I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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