Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
