Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
