Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
