fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
