get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
