FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize