Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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