I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
