The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
