I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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