fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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