I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need moral support for this bender
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
