I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
