I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
