I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
