I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
