So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
