So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
