I'm jealous of your bromance
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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