wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
