careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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