When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
