he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
