Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Randomize
