I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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