Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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