im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
