If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I will pee on everything he values.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
