He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she smelled like a LAN party
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
