Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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