When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
