there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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