I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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