I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
