don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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