I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
