i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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