you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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