$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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