Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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