my sisters under your porch take her home
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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