Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
