You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
