omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize