2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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