Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
