hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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