So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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