still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize