im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
