if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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