umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
