i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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