so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
