STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
