So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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