THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
