You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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