dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
