Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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