Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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