So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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