My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
