Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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