never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
