my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
